he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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