I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
