I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
