1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
