Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
