I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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