i just sent this text using only my big toe
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
