I wish I could teleport
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
