I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
