Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
