he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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