If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
