I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
