It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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