The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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