He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
