Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
