So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
