either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize