enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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