oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
