I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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