So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
