doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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