I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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