I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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