Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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