We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
