Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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