I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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