Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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