I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
