my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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