the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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