i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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