Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
