I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
