please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
