Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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