LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize