So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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