I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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