new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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