hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
