she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
