If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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