im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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