Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
