Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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