sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
