I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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