ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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