im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize