if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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