i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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