eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
