We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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