there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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