apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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