morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
