hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
