yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize