Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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