I'm so fucking centered right now
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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