Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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