Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
