you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My ass is underappreciated
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
