i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
