I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize