I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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