Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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