to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A bitchslap is in order.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
