I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How's work?
Spinning.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
