hotel room ftw
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Couch. On fire.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
