no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize