Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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