He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
