Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Two words: blizzard sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
