I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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