tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
