she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
