if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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